Now understanding how the ego and the self works it had to do with repression, and so the first repression is when the ego is formed and this is why the ego is associated with suffering and because having an ego puts a damper on your unconsciousness and make you live out of the line with the truth and so whenever you actually get back in touch with the self and you being yourself back onto the alignment with the self, there’s this sense of relief and a release about it, and I’m going to tell you my experience of the self but before I do that I want to differentiate two things, so what I’m going to talk to you about is the ego transcendence and do I’ve had two experience of the ego transcendence before where I had a direct connection to the self and this is something that happened to me when I was 20, so it was quite a while now but then there’s Also the concept of individuation which was created by Carl Jung and basically this is where you’ve developed a strong and healthy ego and then from that state of having a story and healthy ego.
At that point you can start to integrate the shadow, the anima and the animus and the aspect of the self as well, so individuation is similar in some ways but it’s not quite the liberty experience of being completely free from ego, but they do have a relationship but what I’m about to talk to you about is not individuation.
I’m talking to you about ego transcendence, now my experience with the ego transcendence happened before I knew anything about the ego transcendence and Jungian psychology but what ended up attracting me to Jungian psychology several years later was that I had s very hard time making sense of what had happened and because I didn’t know the concept of ego or ego transcendence or anything about consciousness related anything, and so for about 3 years after the experience I really frowned quite a lot because I didn’t quite know what I experienced I really frowned quite a lot because I didn’t quire know what I experience and the first sense of stability that o get was looking into the Jungian work and then the work of other Jungian authors and that really helped me sort of get on my feet about what had happened and what was going on with my psyche and really how to reconcile something with my identity, with my ego and so I think that Jungian psychology is a really great tool for understanding how the psyche works.
Especially if you’re looking to transcendence the ego or if you’re looking to maybe look towards the deeper aspects of the society psyche and do process like shadow work, and like Its an excellent model for understanding things and it’s being really good for me personally.
Now I have my experience of the ego transcendence I’ve far two of them and both of them happened when I was 20 and that was about pitch and understand how things came to be. The was that they were with my ego in the first place and so when I was a child I always had this baseline sense of intensity and I just had this sense that I would just blow everyone out and I had some trauma experience.
But I can’t really point at one particular thing that made me feel so much lesser, all I know was that I always had this deep feeling of self loathing that I really hated much. Now I still have this to a certain degree and I’ve done a lot of wonder work but I’ve still have sort of a sense of self hatred that I CBA detect that’s long beneath the surface, but when I was a child I was really strong and I had a really difficult time coping and because I hated myself so much, It really collected a lot of negative attention to me because people could tell that I had weak boundaries and I didn’t really repeat myself a whole lot and so kids who would look to a bullying other kids, would definitely have in on me for that.
Now as a teenager I was able to sort of discover my strength and discover my creative work and I had developed a lot of positive Traits and trialing that were sailed upon and I was able to build my ego up in such a way that I didn’t really feel all the time that I hated myself because I liked my ego that I had created because I had lived this intelligent, creative and iconistic and ironic a little edgy and I had this ego that I actually fit really well, into the social metrics that I was willing and I felt like I was finally sailing along and I really did feel a strong person at that time and do I progressed though out my teen years I was able to leverage these strengths to create and even more strengths Iike I developed a really strong work ethics and I had a lot of goals, that I had a lot of direction in life and you know essentially I was able to cope so much better than I was able to cope as a child, and so I got really attached to my ego and I really thought this is who I am, I an this person my identity is who I am and I didn’t have any knowledge of anything else going on inside of me, now deep down I still hated myself I was still looking and underneath all those barriers and ideas that I had created of myself that was still that same child in there that was living in the sane way.